Introducing the ‘Just Because’ clause in Life’s Little Rulebook.

I am utterly inspired to write and share this piece with you, but it comes with a warning! You may, indeed, want to slap me in the face with a something cold and hard because initially it sounds highly egotistical…But I implore you, put down the iron bar and hang in there…Just for a few paragraphs…

Always a believer in saving a new outfit for a ‘special occasion,’ I have rarely spoiled myself without massive justifications and mental tug-of-war about whether I could afford something, deserved something, needed something, etc. I would almost ruin the occasions when I did splurge with over thinking things and getting myself into a mini ‘I shouldn’t have done that’ panic!

But I have since discovered a little phrase that makes me smile and reminds me that I AM enough of a reason. It’s the phrase I now employ when I want to do something or give myself something minus a special occasion or particular reason. And this phrase stems from the best lesson I have ever learned in life, entitled simply, ‘Just Because.’

The ‘Just Because’ clause in Life’s Little Rulebook states that it is our primary duty to take responsibility for our own happiness and fulfillment and ONLY in doing so can we properly give to and care for others.

The ‘Just Because’ clause goes on to stress the importance in differentiating between ego and healthy self love. When employing ego, one puts their own needs ahead of others in a way which is detrimental, hurtful or neglectful to those in their path. People who function from a place of ego are the ‘takers’ and look out for what they can get from a situation. These people might also be considered the ‘deflators,’ or people who just seem to have the knack to bring us down. An easy way to spot the ‘deflators’ or ‘takers’ is to listen for people who subtly, snidely or even blatantly put others down. Life’s ‘takers’ take or suck energy from others to elevate themselves. We have all been in situations where we have walked away from someone and felt drained or ‘bled dry.’

Conversely, people functioning from a healthy self love will make sure their own needs are taken care of so that they have plenty of energy to give to others. In this way, they are the ‘givers’ and bring positivity to people and situations. When around a ‘giver’ we generally feel inflated and happy to have been in their presence. The language used by ‘givers’ elevates others.

Often, givers give so much and take so little back that they can become very drained. This is where employing the ‘Just Because’ clause comes into play- it forces you to take a dose of healthy self-love. Think of it as a multi-vitamin which wards off feeling empty, drained, overdrawn, exhausted and countless other synonyms for feeling all used up inside. I take the liberty in prescribing a daily dose to ensure that you meet your requirements of healthy self-love!

Self love is about having an awareness of what makes you feel joyous, happy, elated and ‘full’ and ensuring that you make time for these things. People who are joyous naturally bring joy to others. So by ensuring you have a healthy self love, others around you benefit. When someone feels joy, they aren’t complaining, bickering, teasing or putting someone down. They are doing the exact opposite. It makes sense, doesn’t it?!

Have you had your daily dose of 'Just Because' today?

Not to go all revoltingly New Age on your ass here, but honestly, quit waiting for a special occasions to feel fabulous! Every bit of joy you feel emits to others. It inspires, it helps! You don’t see miserable, down trodden, tired and depressed people inspiring others do you? No, it’s that stranger in the street who seems to smiling for no reason that suddenly makes you smile. It’s the woman who stops to pick up what you’ve dropped, the service attendant who chats like your custom matters to them, the host who has loved cooking for you and it shows. The joy and ‘niceness’ in these people is contagious and it’s cultivated through having a healthy self love and doing things ‘just because’ they bring you joy.

Therefore, the phrase can be employed when functioning under the ‘Just Because’ clause in myriad ways. Here are some examples:

·       I’m going to have a bubble bath, Just Because!

·       I love those flowers. I’m going to buy them, Just Because!

·       I’m going to change my bed sheets so tonight I can get into a scrummy yummy clean and crisp bed, Just Because!

·       I’m going to play on that swing, Just Because!

·       I’m going to wear those red shoes, Just Because!

·       I’m going to buy that new perfume, Just Because!



Nothing like a beautiful bunch of spring blooms to brighten a day!

You get the idea! Employing ‘Just Because’ does not mean you have to send yourself broke, spoiling yourself with everything that takes your fancy. Remember, ‘Just Because’ links to cultivating a healthy self love, and it’s not healthy to be in lots of debt or to put yourself in a situation where you aren’t caring for yourself in the bigger picture, such as buying an Oroton instead of paying your gas bill…

There are many creative ways to bring joy and happiness to your day. Once you start paying attention, you’ll be amazed at how you can add to or alter little things to make them more fun and inject more joy, Just Because! Doing this will have a knock on effect, and people will notice changes in your demeanor, your attitude and even your looks as your inner glow becomes an outer one. The more you employ the ‘Just Because’ clause, the greater your joy and the more you can inspire and give to those you love. And being, bringing and sharing love is the greatest gift we can give with our lives. To be that gift, we need to start with ourselves, Just Because.

Til next we speak, butterfly kisses,

Wyld.

"Emotional Reflux" OR "What to do when your bullshit comes up again"

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to drop by!


On the path to self-discovery, maturation or whatever you have chosen to call it, setbacks are bound to occur. These can occur when we least expect it, such as when we react to an event that someone else creates. They can also occur when we don’t get the reaction we were wanting to an event or situation we created.

Whichever it is, we may suddenly find ourselves responding in ways that we thought we had outgrown or feeling raw and emotive because parts of us were touched that we thought we had healed. When this happens, it’s natural to feel disheartened about our progress. Even angry or disappointed with ourselves.

I am here to tell you, sista, that it’s going to happen and you had bloody well better get used to forgiving yourself. You aren’t going to transmogrify into a being which is impervious to failure- as you perceive it. You aren’t going to wake up in metaphysical white robes and have an ethereal, God-like essence from which your every choice will emanate. You can pray and meditate and journey along your road all you want, but there are going to be times when you fall down and experience the re-flux of some of your old bullshit coming back up.



Going...Going...Gone!!!



But I am also here to tell you the good news. Each and every time you will learn from it. Each and every time you will recognise that you are doing it a little bit quicker than the last. Each and every time you will feel ill at ease with your behavior or emotions. Each and every time you will respond with less and less intensity with the old habits and old behaviors. Over time, as long as you stay conscious, you will stay on your journey and keep improving.

There are 3 keys to moving on from this kind of experience:

1)    Acknowledge your role in what occurred. (get honest about naming the ‘stuff’ that came up, recognising old behavior patterns, etc).

2)    Forgive yourself for it. Utterly forgive yourself. Tell yourself you forgive yourself.

3)    Decide on what you will do next time. Pause to decide how you will deal with it next time. Prepare yourself for the emotions you will feel, what you will say, etc. However, do not dwell on how to change this circumstance, because what’s done is done. You can try to repair or suck as much venom out as you can, but it’s done. Over. You might have lost a friend, a man, a day-whatever-but it’s done!

If you get caught in the ‘guilt and replay’ cycle of a situation, you can drive yourself crazy! Coulda, shoulda, woulda! Mantras of these sort don’t so us any good and if we jump on the manifestation bandwagon, we only get more of what we dwell on! Focusing on what went wrong, what you did wrong, etc, for too long, and continually punishing yourself for it is just going to get you more of the same.

Through acknowledgment, forgiveness and visualizing how you want to respond IN FUTURE, you propel yourself forward with your lessons learned, and hopefully a better idea of how you want to deal with things in the future. This doesn’t mean we won’t repeat the same behavior again and again! It just means that we have an action plan!

Think of how many things you forgive those you love. It’s time to show yourself the same love and compassion. Remember, when your bullshit comes up again, just pause, regroup and start again! And, to quote the immortal words of Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables), keep in mind that:

“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.”

Til next we talk, butterfly kisses!

Wyld.