On the path to self-discovery, maturation or whatever you have chosen to call it, setbacks are bound to occur. These can occur when we least expect it, such as when we react to an event that someone else creates. They can also occur when we don’t get the reaction we were wanting to an event or situation we created.
Whichever it is, we may suddenly find ourselves responding in ways that we thought we had outgrown or feeling raw and emotive because parts of us were touched that we thought we had healed. When this happens, it’s natural to feel disheartened about our progress. Even angry or disappointed with ourselves.
I am here to tell you, sista, that it’s going to happen and you had bloody well better get used to forgiving yourself. You aren’t going to transmogrify into a being which is impervious to failure- as you perceive it. You aren’t going to wake up in metaphysical white robes and have an ethereal, God-like essence from which your every choice will emanate. You can pray and meditate and journey along your road all you want, but there are going to be times when you fall down and experience the re-flux of some of your old bullshit coming back up.
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| Going...Going...Gone!!! |
But I am also here to tell you the good news. Each and every time you will learn from it. Each and every time you will recognise that you are doing it a little bit quicker than the last. Each and every time you will feel ill at ease with your behavior or emotions. Each and every time you will respond with less and less intensity with the old habits and old behaviors. Over time, as long as you stay conscious, you will stay on your journey and keep improving.
There are 3 keys to moving on from this kind of experience:
1) Acknowledge your role in what occurred. (get honest about naming the ‘stuff’ that came up, recognising old behavior patterns, etc).
2) Forgive yourself for it. Utterly forgive yourself. Tell yourself you forgive yourself.
3) Decide on what you will do next time. Pause to decide how you will deal with it next time. Prepare yourself for the emotions you will feel, what you will say, etc. However, do not dwell on how to change this circumstance, because what’s done is done. You can try to repair or suck as much venom out as you can, but it’s done. Over. You might have lost a friend, a man, a day-whatever-but it’s done!
If you get caught in the ‘guilt and replay’ cycle of a situation, you can drive yourself crazy! Coulda, shoulda, woulda! Mantras of these sort don’t so us any good and if we jump on the manifestation bandwagon, we only get more of what we dwell on! Focusing on what went wrong, what you did wrong, etc, for too long, and continually punishing yourself for it is just going to get you more of the same.
Through acknowledgment, forgiveness and visualizing how you want to respond IN FUTURE, you propel yourself forward with your lessons learned, and hopefully a better idea of how you want to deal with things in the future. This doesn’t mean we won’t repeat the same behavior again and again! It just means that we have an action plan!
Think of how many things you forgive those you love. It’s time to show yourself the same love and compassion. Remember, when your bullshit comes up again, just pause, regroup and start again! And, to quote the immortal words of Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables), keep in mind that:
“Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it.”
Til next we talk, butterfly kisses!
Wyld.
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