The Yellow Brick Road

We all have times in our life where we aren’t where we want to be, but we are certainly on our way. While life is one long journey, we do have times when the journey becomes an accelerated and inward one and we go through the most personal change. These are times where we are growing, changing, healing and discovering. These are our Yellow Brick Road journeys.

A gal has to have an amazing pair of shoes for her Yellow Brick Road journey!

A journey along our own Yellow Brick Road might have been triggered by one or more of the following:

·       Getting out of a relationship

·       Changing some dysfunctional behaviours

·       Finding a purpose for our lives

·       Starting or changing a career

·       Healing from an injury or illness or addiction

·       Recovering from a mental health issue such as depression

·       Making major changes to our health and fitness

·       Moving to a new city

·       Losing a loved one

There are countless reasons we may find ourselves ‘journeying’. The commonality in these issues is that the journey can be difficult and misery likes company. The trouble is, if we aren’t clear about where we are heading or why, we can become easily distracted and sidetracked by people we meet along the way. We might spend way too long with the wrong people or person, or heaven forbid actually marry them! The state of mind we possess when undertaking a Yellow Brick Road journey is not our ideal state for meeting our life partner. It might happen, but be aware that this would be the extreme exception to the rule.

My theory on Yellow Brick Road journeys stems from the brilliant example given to us in the movie The Wizard of Oz. Even as an adult I can recite many of the scenes from this film because this was the only childhood movie my father owned. During the days when he worked while I stayed with him, I watched that movie over and over again, the way only a child can without getting bored. To this day I am certain that it was this period in my life where I developed my unyielding addiction to red shoes and many of the lessons I have learned in life I can relate back to this film.

Seriously, am I the only one who tries to 'Dorothy kick' when a new pair of red shoes find their way home?

Most of us are very familiar with the story, but just in case you have been living under a rock somewhere I shall summarize for you. The film is set in Kansas where teenager Dorothy lives with her Aunt, Uncle and her little dog, Totto. When Totto bites the neighbourhood wench, Dorothy decides to run away from home rather than allow her dog to be impounded. At the start of her journey a storm hits in the form of a twister and Dorothy runs home to find her family gone. The twister collects Dorothy and her house and sweeps them away into another world full of strange little creatures and witches, the land of Oz. Dorothy’s house crash lands on Oz, killing the Wicked Witch of the East.

The first person Dorothy meets is Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. Expressing her desire to return to Kansas, she is instructed by Glinda to follow the yellow brick road all the way to the Emerald City to meet the Wizard of Oz who will help her find her way home. The Wicked Witch arrives during this conversation and is angry that her sister has been killed by Dorothy’s falling house. She threatens Dorothy and warns her to look out! In the tradition of red shoes being good for the soul, Glinda gives Dorothy a pair of ruby slippers which will protect her from the evil witch as long as she doesn’t take them off. Dazed and little confused, but brave none-the-less, Dorothy begins her journey down the yellow brick road.

This is where her journey becomes a little more relatable and if we watch closely, we can learn a very valuable lesson from young Dorothy. When Dorothy was wrenched from her known life and put into rampant unrest, in a world she didn’t know, surrounded with strange witches and with a long and scary journey ahead of her, it is no surprise that she encouraged the first man she met- Scarecrow- to come along with her to meet the Wizard. She disguised her own need for company by highlighting that the wizard could probably give Scarecrow the one thing he most wanted- a brain. The loveable and generous Scarecrow joined Dorothy on her quest.

A little further into her journey, Dorothy meets Tin Man and promises him that the Wizard will be able to give him the heart he thinks he lacks if only he would accompany her to the Emerald City. And so he does. The next troubled fellow the trio meet is Cowardly Lion, full of bravado but scared of his own shadow. When Dorothy pledges that the Wizard will grant him the courage he desires, Cowardly Lion joins Dorothy.

Along the way, the three men fall in love with Dorothy and come to her rescue at every turn, helping her through the emotional trauma of killing the Wicked Witch and the realisation that the Wizard of Oz is no more than an ordinary man. Dorothy’s journey is made easier with the help and support of these men.

Here is the clincher! When Dorothy discovers a way she can get home to Kansas, Scarecrow asks her to stay with him in Oz. He offers her the very generous role of helping him lead Oz, as he has been elected the head of it. At this point, Dorothy remains true to her inner calling, which is to go home. She kisses each of the men goodbye and leaves Oz, whispering to Scarecrow, “I think I’ll miss you most of all.” The three men are all in tears but all have gained something from partaking in her journey. Tin Man discovers his heart. Cowardly Lion discovers his courage and Scarecrow discovers his own magnificent brain!

Just like Dorothy, it is great to meet people and have support along the way when we are on our own Yellow Brick Road. Often when we are on a journey, it is to heal something in us that is broken and we must remember that like attracts like. When we are broken, we attract broken people. It’s an unfortunate fact of life. It is important to highlight that what Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowdardly Lion have in common is low self esteem. They each believe they lack a character trait that they think would make them whole if they possessed it. Of course, they each already have these traits but at this stage, are unable to see their own worth. Because of this, they too are as vulnerable to being lead astray as Dorothy is, with her fear of being alone on the journey she faces. So the four find solace in each other, each believing that the other is the key to helping them find the thing they believe they lack.

The key here is that when Cowardly Lion found his courage and Tin Man found his heart, they no longer needed Dorothy. They also could see that Dorothy’s journey and come to an end as she had found a way back to Kansas. While they were sad to see her go, they accepted that their journey together had come to a close and it was time to say goodbye gracefully. What Cowardly Lion and Tin Man illustrate here is that it is important to recognise when it is time to part ways and that it can be achieved without too much drama or fuss. It simply needs to happen to allow each person to stay on their chosen Yellow Brick Road.



By all means have fun with people you meet along your journey! Have safe (emotionally and prophylactically) fun and enjoy it but do not mistake a ‘journey companion’ for ‘the one.’ Staying focused can be difficult as lovers are wonderful distractions and we can be very easily sidetracked by our new, exciting plaything.

Pets make the BEST 'journey companions.' This is mine, Orchid!

Do weekly check ins with yourself. Are you still on track? If not, is this person moving you away from your goal or sucking up too much time that you aren’t working towards it? Is it time to say goodbye? If not, keep having fun but in the name of all that is holy, remember your journey and make it a priority.

Have you ever heard the saying ‘people are in our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime?’ Dorothy’s journey illustrates this point. She needed to bond with these men at a time when her life was tumultuous and she craved stability. But during this time she stayed focused on her end goal and worked, with their help, towards it. When Scarecrow asked her to stay, there would have been a big part of her that wanted to. She had grown to love and depend on him. But she knew that she wouldn’t be true to herself if she did, despite the riches and lovely life staying in Oz would have afforded her. With genuine tears, Dorothy said goodbye and made the final part of her journey. Alone.

I share this lesson with you after repeated difficulties saying goodbye to relationships that were keeping me from my own Yellow Brick Road. I discussed this at length in Healing Love’s Hangover. You see, during late 2008 and early 2009, my Yellow Brick Road was a health and fitness journey with the aim to lose the weight I had heartily piled on during my year-long catastrophic relationship with an alcoholic life-destroying whirlwind. I was focused and true to my goal for about four months, dating men on and off but committing to none because I was resolved in my journey. During this time I had been playing (in a non sexual sense of the word) with one man in particular. A country boy, with a country drawl who sucked on a cigarette with so much passion that I was always sure he would make any gay man incredibly happy if he ever decided to bat for the other team. He made me laugh and we had fun together, but I absolutely knew he wasn’t the one. Until I lost my focus!!!

In that same period of time I had started an incredibly stressful new job. Mr Country made this job easier because I knew I had someone to relax and laugh with after work. If I had been smarter, I would have realized that this was all Mr Country and I were ever supposed to be- friends. But one night I slept with him and lost my head. Don’t get me wrong, the event was nothing special but for some reason I was attached. I told myself I had been wrong about him and because he made me laugh and was easy going, we should be together. I wondered off into the forest, leaving my ‘yellow brick road,’ and invested in this new relationship. The energy I should have been investing in my goal, instead, was invested in someone who should have been nothing more than a ‘journey companion’. I mistook this shiny new distracting plaything as ‘the one’ because I was unaware that in my own broken state, I had attracted a similarly broken individual.

Progress on my own journey was slow and had eventually come to a standstill as my energy was all used up trying to solve our never-ending problems. Eventually I woke up to the fact that, like Cowardly Lion was for Dorothy, Mr Country was a journey companion and our season had come to an end.

With some fumbling and a few miscues, I found myself walking along my Yellow Brick Road once more. Alone.  My healing was fast and furious after his departure and I could see that I had mistaken a nice guy for the right guy, simply because I didn’t know how or when to say goodbye. Thinking back on it, I am not even sure if I knew it was ok to say goodbye in order to prioritise my own goals! Doesn’t society encourage us to be in a partnership, regardless of what our internal compass may be telling us? I just kept thinking I had to make it work, put more effort in, try harder. Hello!!!! No!

Finding your Yellow Brick Road is cause for celebration!

I tell you this tale because I want to highlight the importance of using your own internal compass to stay on your Yellow Brick Road. Keep your sights on your own goal because it is blindingly effortless to lose track and start walking down a path you never planned on. It would have been so easy for me to marry Mr Country (we did get engaged!), have a few kids and have lived unhappily ever after. What a waste of both of our lives.

Have the courage to stick to your truth and never ever let fear of being alone or any other weak justification keep you from your journey or your goals. It’s not worth it. Try to recognise when you are walking along your Yellow Brick Road and be aware of who you pick up along the way. I promise that a giant hole will not open in the Earth and swallow all the men into it just because you say ‘no’ to one of them. There will be other men. Or women. Or both. Whatever your tickles your fancy. But just know that this one doesn’t have to be the one and won’t be the last one. Repeat this every time you’re feeling weak or needy or giving yourself justifications: this one doesn’t have to be the one and won’t be the last one. Play it like Dorothy and say goodbye when it’s time to.


Until next time, butterfly kisses.
Wyld.


PS: if you need an extra nudge to stay on track, check out Emotional Reflux!