2014: The Year of the Inner Child.

This year, 2013, swamped in a list of to-do’s and must-achieves, my inner child (the one who loves to suck on lolly pops while playing on the swing and blowing bubbles) packed up and moved out. It didn’t happen straight away. She hung around for a while, trying to sneak out of her room on weekends, only to be yelled at: ‘there is too much to do, just go to your room’. One day in September, she packed her nap-sack with the toys she could carry and left home. Quietly, she snuck out the window and I had to no idea where she went. All I could feel was this tight knot inside my stomach, a pulsing across my chest and an ache in my heart telling me she was no longer in residence.

Instead, the presence of a new house guest pervaded my waking moments. A time-limited, tired, stressed out, grumpy woman moved in and, without asking, removed all the play time from my inner child. This woman found faults in everything. In people, in items, in situations, but most vigorously, she found faults in herself. This tired woman grew wearier, weaker, sadder and angrier, and began to wish she had given the little girl time to play. ‘Perhaps she would have stayed a little longer…’ the old woman lamented.

"Off with your head!"

Luckily, the little girl was only hiding under the house, waiting and listening for the old woman’s tears of sorrow, begging for her to return. And return she did in the form of a long pink bubble wand and a pair of soft pink wings embroidered with satin stars. A gift from my husband who knew all I needed was to laugh for a while…

No-one is ever too old for a  wand, some bubbles and a set fairy wings. It's just a fact.

After a while, the knot in my stomach began to undo and the tightness in my chest began to loosen. My inner child took up permanent residence again and I learnt to remember to let her out to play for more often. The grumbly old woman is dying a slow death, but she is in the basement so she makes less noise these days.

During this time I came to a number of conclusions, and had to unlearn some false truths I had been living by in order to continue to silence the old woman. I share these with you in the hope that one or more of these ring true for you, and maybe make your 2014 a little more playful.

1. What I learned through this ordeal is that so often we are far, far too hard on ourselves. This abrasive approach to our lives can tip us over the edge during times when our resilience is low and we can find ourselves washed up on the shore, battered, bruised and barely conscious. We can push, thrash and berate ourselves, not stopping to notice what we have done right, but agonising long and hard over the things we feel we failed to do, or didn’t do correctly. This is a personal habit that can grow so slowly, we do not even know it is happening. We can also live or work in environments that contribute to this state of being. A negative workplace culture can wreak havoc on our senses. If we have been immersed for some time, we might not even realise the damage that a place or the people which co-habit it are having on our psyche.

2. Just because we can do it, doesn’t mean we should. We might be smart enough, driven enough or in a circle elite enough to have/do/be a certain thing. This doesn’t mean that it is good for us or that our psyches will enjoy it. Some people are just too sensitive or too creative or too ‘something’ to thrive and be happy in some roles. If it won’t contribute to joy, the title/thing is not worth it.

3. Other people do not have it all together. Whatever happy-clappy-crap people might post on their public profiles, no-one has it all together. Everybody, in more areas than one, is a just a bit fucked up. Some more than others. But everyone is. From the professor who cuts herself because sometimes her mental demons get too loud, to the woman grieving for a baby she feels she has no right to grieve for, to the man who gets himself in obscene debt trying to buy happiness, to the mother who resents and belittles her child, to the woman deriving purpose from being able to rigidly control her food intake, to the woman who has dreams she is afraid she won’t achieve so instead builds a family as a convenient excuse not to go for what she wants. Everybody, regardless of their status updates, is hiding a little piece of ‘fucked up.’ And that’s just fine and dandy.

A little bit of 'broken' is a very good thing.

4. It’s easy to keep doing something that isn’t working for us because we are afraid of the alternative. Everyone who has an issue, be it weight, relationship, lack of purpose, shitty job, no money, can do something to change their situation. The truth is, we are often- bizarrely- more afraid of how succeeding will affect and change our lives than we are of maintaining the status quo and knowing what to expect.

5. Nothing in this world is going to feel like real and lasting happiness unless we are going for what we want on a reasonably consistent basis. Picture a happiness bank account. When we make a choice that is congruent with what we want/picture/dream/hope for our lives, we make a deposit. Some are big deposits, others are smaller. But they all add up. Conversely, if what we say we want and what we do are incongruous, we withdraw from our happiness bank account.  It’s very easy to get caught up in what has no meaning at all. Real happiness actually has little to do with present moment and more to do with what we build in our lives over time. Muhammad Ali once said  “I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.' Awesome!

6. Dimming who we are is fucking pointless. Because really, who cares what someone thinks? In order to be remarkable, we have to be remarked upon. If someone wants to say something, let them! The oddity is, many of us spend time and energy trying to hide the coolest parts of ourselves because our in-laws, colleagues, neighbours or acquaintances might dislike us. But these aspects of us really are what make us- us! They make us quirky, give us style, define our goals, foster our creativity. I am sick of worrying about the opinions of anyone else. I am loud. I like weird vintage clothing and strange hats. I get weird around Christmas and birthdays. I enjoy wearing fairy wings while watering the garden and loudly singing the songs playing on my iPod. I get nervous around my in-laws and, when stressed, I recall scenes from The Young Ones and randomly laugh out-loud to a scene no one else can see. I discuss what I am going to wear each day with my dog, as he watches what I choose from my wardrobe. I know most of the lines from The Wizard of Oz and can recite scenes on cue. I am a big nerd and love studying and there is nothing cooler than doing research and discussing ideology with others. I have a polka-dot fetish and I still read Dr Seuss. I believe that if I keep writing, the audience will come. There. I have said it all. My freak-flag is flying high. Whoopy!

"You look fine, mum. But does this Tiara make me look fat?"

If 2013 was the year of ‘head down, bum up’, 2014 is going to be the year of ‘head up, thumbs up.’ I refuse to be negative about myself or take on the negativity of others in my environment, understanding that I can simply change my self-talk or my physical location if I so choose. I refuse to take on mammoth loads or roles that bring out parts of myself I don’t like, knowing that just because I can do something, does not mean I should in any way. I refuse to take on the negativity of others with the understanding that their own ‘fucked up-ness’ is just coming out to play. I refuse to whine about something on a continual basis unless I am actually making a concerted effort to change it as I know that while things remain the same, I am accepting the status quo. I refuse to spend time or energy on things that will not contribute to my overall goals for a happy life, knowing that which does not giveth, taketh away. I refuse to stifle my own laughter or hide my flaws as I understand that letting my own freak-flag-fly is half the fun. After all, if you put a candle inside two pots, more light is going to shine through the cracked pot than the one still intact. This year, my friends, my hope for all of us is that we can live as brightly-lit cracked pots, each with our very own happy inner child! Here’s to 2014!

In 2014, give your inner child a safe and happy place to play. Acknowledgements to sophlylaughing. blogspot.com via google for the image. 

Till next time, love and butterfly kisses. Wyld. xx