You Have No Power Over Me.

Are you familiar with the infamous plot-line in a variety of pop-culture films where the protagonist is caught between one world and another and can’t get back? Those who are of my vintage will remember the classic example, Labyrinth, where Sarah struggles on a journey to find her brother, through endless mazes to meet and beat the Goblin King. On the way she learns about friendship, unfairness, but most importantly she learns trust in herself. Her killer line that shatters and disintegrates the Goblin King and sends her hurtling back into the world she belongs to has to be one of the best lines in a movie EVER: “You have no power over me”. I love this line so much and often recall this scene in my mind if I am struggling with a person or situation. I just adore this entire film from start to finish, not to mention the life-long addiction to mauve make-up the masquerade ball scene inspired. I must own every shade of mauve eye-shadow in human existence.


Labyrinth. Forever a classic.

I adore this plot line because it encapsulates the struggle that many of us can feel when we are on the journey to making a change and haven’t quite gotten there yet. It also highlights the struggle faced by those who have suffered a great deal of trauma in their lives, from one single ordeal, an entire childhood, or a whole lifetime. Often people who have experienced trauma find that they can distance themselves from it sufficiently to create another life, a life which almost seems incongruent to what they may have seen or lived through. However, the trauma and the resulting self-protective behaviours can rear their ugly heads during times of emotional turmoil, when events trigger deep emotions or when an individual is feeling threatened or backed into a corner. It is in the midst, or shortly after these moments, that one may ask themselves: “does the Goblin King really have no power over me?”



Sarah, in the midst of her journey, coming face to face with the Goblin King.
Photo taken from: http://www.samanthapeach.co.uk/wordpress/



 

It is almost a feeling of being stuck. Knowing a better way but not being able to move there permanently. Here’s my theory on this one: We attract what we think about, right? We might know on one level that we can achieve a certain life, and we might even believe we are owed it after suffering a quantifiable amount of hardship. Now allow me to make a crude distinction. I am not referring to those who live with a chip in their shoulder, believing that life owes them something and other people should pay for their crappy life or crappy choices. No, I am referring to those who opted for the sweaty way out of a situation. Most prominently, those who worked for it. Hard slog. Achievement after achievement, those who banked away small credits that would eventually be able to be cashed in for a special life. The life they have been working towards. And this picture varies for individuals. For some it is travel and living blissfully without an address. For others it exists in a picket fence, with their partners name emblazoned across the mailbox. For some, it lies in the attainment of a ‘perfect’ family. Whatever the dream is, the chips have been cashed in and the prominent features of this dream have appeared.

Image taken from: www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk 

Over the years, the coping skills have increased, the social circle has changed, the economic status has risen, the social credits have rolled in, the affirmations have arrived. Yet somehow, some moments can trigger a total recall of all that has been learned and achieved and daylight witnesses the emergence of a sad, scared, wounded soul- whatever this may look like for different people. It is in these moments people can sink into a nothingness. A black hole which threatens to engulf all that has been rightfully earned and learned. I have a name for this. It’s the influence of ‘modern power’. This ridiculous idea that others ‘have it all together’. Others can somehow deal with all these situations. Others can ride through life flawlessly. It’s this mind-numbing and inhuman ideology that is rampant through our culture that we should somehow have everything 'together'. All aspects of our lives ‘should’ be in control. Other people can do it, why can’t I? It is a complete fallacy that is shoved down our necks constantly. Facebook is a prime example. Yes it’s a great way to stay in touch, but it also gives the impression that everyone is happy all the time. Except those who use it as an emotional outlet for every thought that runs through their heads. Be honest, we all keep a few of those on our friend list simply because it makes a great daily narrative. However, the gossip aside, we see people living it up on holidays, being perfect mothers raising perfect children, people changing the world through various events and starting or helping charity organizations, and people posting vomit-worthy pictures of happy couple-dom. Yes, I am guilty of the latter. And one need only turn on the television for two minutes to have all their worst fears confirmed by advertising: everyone else has it together and if you just had this phone, diet pill, cleaning product or clothing, you would too. This is one of the reasons I do not have my television connected!

This is all nonsense. That feeling of being stuck, coming undone or not coping in a given situation is not unique to us in a single moment. Its common and everyone goes through it. It’s just that no one talks about it. No one is posting photos on Facebook of their kids screaming, their house in a shambles and the empty packets of TimTams they just consumed to try stay sane. Sure, there a photos of gorgeous groups of girls sipping pretty cocktails, but ain't no one posting photos of the morning after! Imagine a dinner party where someone announced; “yes, I am newlywed and I have some doubts about my role in this thing.” Everyone would go silent. Wanna know how I know? From experience! And this was at a table of friends! Who I will now call pseudo-friends. As a side note: pseudo friends are those who like to gloss over the muddy moments of life and go straight to the high-gloss. The people who you feel that if you put under any sort of heat would melt like plastic. These are the people around whom you tend to feel a little less certain of yourself.

"Really? Am I the only one?"

We are simply not taught to unpack the rough stuff and certainly not in public! Yet everyone goes through it. Everyone has those moments where they find themselves in a situation that they actively created and yet don’t know what to do with. Think of Charlotte in Sex N the City 2 (yes, I watched it, it’s not as bad the second time through, or the third or fourth...). She wanted children desperately and yet found herself sobbing in the pantry cupboard one day, unsure of how to manage her competing roles on that day. And I stress ‘on that day’ because this happens to all of us at one point or another. And to say it doesn’t either makes us a liar, inhuman, or without personal goals.

My point is this: we are all on a journey. We are all ‘killing the Goblin King’ in the bigger sense when we work towards a personal goal. Those moments let us have the chance to realize that we are getting somewhere. We may be tired, under siege and managing many things that lead us to a not-so-glamorous moment, but these are NORMAL! And when a moment like this appears in our lives, rather than feel shame or punish ourselves for not having everything together like others do (which they don’t), we need to look at these moments as the Goblin King appearing. “You have no power over me.” The moment has come, it’s gone, and we continue towards our goal in the style in which we have worked so hard to achieve and the style in which we want to become accustomed.

Punishment, self-loathing and regret only serve to propel us backwards. They tell us we don’t deserve to be a certain way or that we haven’t learned or achieved what we have. Allow them no power. The moment was simply a normal facet or outlet of a busy and goal oriented life.

Face the Goblin King, dead-on. Look him in the eye and pronounce with pride “you have no power over me.” Follow this with a reinforcement activity that is of value to you. An activity that brings you joy because it validates your higher purpose, the path you are on, or the dream you are working towards. It may be quality time with your family, working on an art piece, wearing something glamorous, writing, exercising, or any pursuit that brings you joy because it value-adds to your life. The words and the action will kill that Goblin King, before he can take hold and do any damage that may cause doubt, regret or regression. A glitch in the system is normal. Not a breakdown. Just re-boot, and all will be just fine and dandy. Remember sweet friend, no one has it together all of the time. Next time you’re at a dinner party, picture the most primped up, over perfected person there having a complete breakdown, Britney style. Guaranteed it’s not far from reality at one point or another.

Till next time, love and butterfly kisses. Wyld.